Worth Waiting For
by Vicky Ocean
Summary: Nearly dying tends to change ones perspective. Talon Karrde/Shada D'ukal. Part 11 of Scenes From A Peculiar Affair series.
1. Chapter 1

Set about a year after _Playing with Fire_

* * *

"Karrde! I need you up here!" Mara shouted from the cockpit of the _Jade Sabre_.

But he didn't move, his feet seemed to be fused to the durasteel deck plating as he stared down at Shada lying unconscious on the bed in the tiny medbay, looking more dead than alive.

"Karrde!"

"Go," Skywalker told him gently with a hand on his shoulder pushing him towards the cockpit. "I'll take care of her." He met Karrde's eyes. "She won't die. I promise."

Karrde nodded, trusting Shada's care to him. Surely a Jedi could do more for her than he could. Finally his mind seemed to reboot and engage into emergency mode. He dashed to the cockpit sliding into the copilot's seat. "What have we got?" he asked Mara. His eyes quickly surveying the sensors.

"There's going to be some tricky maneuvering before we're clear of this debris field and can make the jump. It looks like they're scrambling fighters as well. " She gave him a long hard look. "I need you focused, Karrde. Can you do that?"

"Yes." He took a deep breath and pushed all those dark emotions deep back into his mind. It was something he was very good at it, but it took tremendous effort to compartmentalize his feelings and worry for Shada.

* * *

Once they made it safely into hyperspace, Karrde went back to the medbay. Shada was still unconscious, but now she was hooked up to various monitors and he could see her heartbeat was strong and steady. That at least was a relief. Skywalker seemed to be using the Force to remove the fabric and debris embedded in the burns covering nearly her entire right side. Strangely, her face was untouched except for a few scratches.

"How is she?" Karrde asked, dreading the answer.

Skywalker looked up at him and offered a comforting smile. "She was lucky the blast didn't catch her full on. I think she'll be okay after a couple of days of bacta treatments."

"Good." He let out the breath he had been holding. "I find I can't do without her." In fact it felt like he would die without her.

"I know."

Karrde had never been so scared in his life as he'd been after the unexpected explosion seeing Skywalker carrying Shada's burned and bleeding body. He couldn't even bear thinking of it now, couldn't contemplate what he would have done if she'd been killed. He picked up the jacket Skywalker had cut off of her. It was of violet nerf hide so deep it was almost black, the leather tooled in an abstracted floral pattern. "She'll be angry this jacket was ruined. She was very fond of it. I'll have to see if I can find her another one."

Skywalker paused in his work on Shada and studied Karrde for a moment. "You know, Karrde, you could actually tell her how you feel about her instead," he said dryly.

"She knows."

"Sometimes it's nice to hear the words."

Karrde didn't comment on that. He dropped the jacket back on the pile of ruined clothes and asked, "Is there anything I can do to help?" He looked over Skywalker's shoulder at Shada's the bloody and blackened skin. It made him almost physically ill to see her like this.

"Just be here with her. She seems soothed by your presence."

Karrde moved a stool near the head of the bed out of Skywalker's way. Shada was lying on her side as Luke cleaned her burns. He brushed the hair back from her face that had come loose from her elaborate hairstyle. He then began pulling the remaining pins and zenji needles from her hair. Several of the needles were singed, the violet enamel bubbled from the heat. Yet another reminder of how close he came to losing her. He sighed and combed through the tangles of her hair with his fingers.

"Keep doing that. She likes it," Skywalker told him.

"I know." Karrde knew Shada inside and out.

* * *

"Talon?" Shada called, her voice hoarse and barely a whisper.

He stood and moved where she could see him. "I'm here," he gently stroked her cheek. "How do you feel?"

"Horrible."

"I'm sure you do." Karrde smiled a bit at her frankness. He paused considering his next words carefully, but he couldn't seem to stop them. "Shada, I know I've never said the words, but you do know I love you, don't you?"

He was disturbed by the look of intense disappointment on her face. "Oh, I'm dying, aren't I?"

He barked out an unexpected laugh. "No, you aren't dying. You'll be fine after a couple of days in bacta." He sighed and stroked her hair back from her forehead. "Oh, Shada, what a miserable bastard you must think me to be if you would only expect me to tell you I loved you if you were dying. I've loved you for a long time. I've just been a coward. I was afraid that I would jinx it by saying it out loud."

She smiled at him, but it looked a little pained. "I know. I was afraid of the same thing. Keeping secrets is a hard habit to break. I love you too, you know."

"I know." He leaned down and placed a chaste kiss on her lips.

"Although, I'd love you more if you'd give me some more pain killers."

* * *

When Shada opened her eyes next she knew she was no longer on the _Jade Sabre_. They must have made it back to the _Errant Venture_. Her gaze shifted to the man slouched in the chair next to her bed sleeping but still holding her hand. She studied him. He looked tired and rumpled and more careworn than she was used to seeing him. He had hardly left her side since she had been caught in the explosion.

And he had told her he loved her.

She had known he cared deeply for her and he was committed to her but she had never actually expected him to admit to loving her. She had never even dared to admit she loved him even to herself. There had always seemed to be a mutual unspoken agreement between them that they would not give voice to their deepest feelings for fear that they might be used against them somehow.

But now that they had both admitted they loved each other she felt inexplicably lighter. They couldn't possibly be more committed to each other could they?

"Talon," she squeezed his hand and he awoke with a start but not releasing her hand.

"How are you feeling, my dear?" he asked, his eyes running over her searching for signs of pain.

"Better," she looked down at their joined hands, the ring she'd given him sparkling in the light. "Do you still want to get married?"

He sat up a little straighter. "Of course, I do," he said immediately. He studied her intently and she wondered what he was looking for. "I hate to say it, but the circumstances haven't really changed since the last time we talked about this. You'd still be a target as Mistress Karrde."

"I know, but we don't have to broadcast it, do we? It would be just for us."

He gave her another long searching look. Finally, he said with a roguish smile, "A secret marriage does have a certain romantic appeal."

"Are you sure?" she asked, relieved but still a little nervous. "We don't have to if you don't want to."

"Shada, I love you and it would be my greatest honor to have you as my wife," he said formally and brought her hand to his lips brushing a kiss across the back. It always made her wonder how he had acquired such courtly manners when he said things like that.

Despite herself Shada gave an amazed laugh. "I never expected to get married." She smiled at him. "I never even expected to find someone I'd want to tie myself to."

He joined in her laughter. "Me either."

Finally, Shada remembered why she was lying in the med bay. "How many more treatments?" She looked down at her exposed arm. It looked mostly healed but her skin was still puckered and raw looking.

"One more should do it. They don't believe there will be any scarring," he assured her.

"Do I have to stay here until my treatment?"

"I shouldn't think so, as long as you're resting. I'll go see what I can arrange."

* * *

Booster had assigned Karrde quarters near the med center, not that he'd actually used them until now. Despite having spent the last several days in bacta, Shada was still very weak and she was forced to lean heavily on Karrde as he guided her there. He led her to the bed and she sat down heavily, feeling exhausted.

"Would you rather put on your nightgown instead of that?" he said pulling at the one from the med center.

She nodded and he went to retrieve her nightgown from their travel bag. He helped her pull the medgown off and put her soft silk one on. He eased her back on the bed pulling the covers over her. She watched him with drowsy eyes as he undressed and put his sleep pants on before he crawled into the bed beside her.

She rolled over to him. "Hold me," she said. He lifted his arm and she rested her head on his chest. He wrapped an arm around her holding her gently, careful of the tender healing skin. She went to sleep happier and more content than she could ever remember feeling.

Nearly half a day later they still lay in bed, dozing until Shada had to be back at the med center for her hopefully final bacta treatment.

Shada lay with her head on Karrde's shoulder, stroking the warm flesh of his chest. She'd been thinking about who could marry them and also keep their secret. Leia maybe, could High Councilors marry people? She hated to give Solo the satisfaction of that though after all his comments. What about Jedi? Maybe they could only marry other Jedi. Or… "Booster could marry us, couldn't he? Since he's captain of the _Venture_?"

Karrde snorted. "I'd never hear the end of that one from him." He seemed to consider it then sighed. "But I suppose it would be rather fitting, secret wedding and all."

"Mara and Luke could be our witnesses if they're still here."

"They are. They want to make sure you're okay. We should ask Mirax and her husband. They're here as well."

"And Mirax and Corran," she agreed. "And we must make everyone swear not to tell Solo."

He grinned. "Agreed."

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

Shada stared at herself in the mirror as she brushed her hair. She wondered if she should leave it down. She knew little of the wedding customs of Emberlene and she had no idea where Karrde was from, much less any traditions he might want to follow. He'd merely told her that anything that pleased her would please him, which had been absolutely no help at all. The only wedding she had attended was her older sister's right before Shada had dedicated herself to the Mistryl. It had been a poor affair, but her sister had worn her hair down with some flowers in it.

She decided it was rather foolish to try to look like a maiden at her age, especially with the white beginning to show in her dark hair. Besides Karrde liked her hair up and she might as well give him the pleasure of taking it down on their wedding night. She chose not to wear her zenji needles. She didn't want to go armed into her wedding. Instead, she braided her hair into a coronet, weaving in her rope of black pearls. Booster had sent her some lovely flowers to use as a bouquet. She'd always thought bouquets were rather silly so she arranged the flowers in her hair.

She was just finishing with her hair when her door chimed. "Who is it?" she called, hoping it wasn't Karrde. She was supposed to meet him in the observation lounge where the ceremony was going to be held. She didn't want him to see her before she was dressed.

"Mirax and Mara."

She opened the door and they came in both dressed in rather formal gowns.

"We came to see if you needed help," Mirax said looking her over. "But it looks like you've got everything well in hand. I don't know how you manage all these elaborate hairstyles on your own."

"Practice," Shada shrugged. "I'm glad you're here though. I'll probably need help with my dress." She grinned, "Apparently, my regular handmaiden is getting married today."

Mara laughed at that image. "Talon Karrde, Smuggler Chief, Information Broker and Lady's Handmaiden."

"This wedding is starting to sound like a bad joke anyway," Shada said laughing as well. "Three smugglers, a Jedi, the Emperor's Hand, a CorSec officer, and a Mistryl Shadow Guard are all on a red Star Destroyer…"

"I don't know," Mara said. "I kind of wish I'd let you and Karrde plan my wedding. There'd have been much less fuss and drama."

"I had the best of both worlds," Mirax told her. "An elopement and a fancy ceremony. Nothing on the scale of Mara's but still Corran and I were very nearly ready to elope again by the end of it."

They helped her into her gown. It was a pale lavender shimmer silk, elegantly simple with silver flowers embroidered about the neckline and hem. She'd had it for a while but she'd never had the occasion to wear it until now. She put on her black pearl earrings, but decided against more jewels. After that she helped Mara and Mirax put the remaining flowers in their hair.

"You told Luke not to let Booster get Talon drunk didn't you?" Shada asked Mara nervously. She couldn't help thinking something would go disastrously wrong.

"I think Karrde's smarter than that, but I did tell Luke."

Shada turned to her two friends. "Thank you both for standing up with me. I can't tell you what it means to me."

"Are you kidding?" Mirax laughed. "You think we'd miss being part of a secret wedding? It's like something out of a holonovel."

Shada headed for the door when Mara stopped her. "You might need this." She dropped Karrde's signet ring into her palm.

"Oh, I had completely forgotten about rings." Shada was horrified. "I'm a terrible bride."

"No, you're not, Shada," Mirax said. "I doubt Mistryl go to many weddings."

When they got to the observation lounge Booster, Luke, Corran, and Karrde were all standing in front of the viewports with twinkling starfield beyond. Karrde had dressed carefully as well. He looked resplendent in the dark grey suit and silver brocade vest that she'd given him for his last lifeday. She met his eyes and they shared a smile.

Mirax and Mara went to go stand off to the side with their husbands. Shada walked alone to Karrde. She did know at least that brides on Emberlene were not given away. Booster offered her a grin as she moved to stand beside Karrde.

"My dear, you are a vision." He raised her hand to his lips brushing a kiss across her fingers.

Booster swatted at him with his datapad. "No kissing until the end."

* * *

Following the ceremony, Mirax and Booster had organized a dinner for them in a private dining room, the wine following freely. Booster teased Karrde every chance he got, but Karrde took it all with good humor. Everyone just seemed tremendously pleased for them no matter how they joked about how long it had taken Shada and Karrde to finally get their act together.

All through the meal Shada kept staring down at the ring on her finger. It was of a similar though slightly more feminine design as the signet ring she'd given Karrde. However, the crest carved on the green stone wasn't the D'ukal crest.

Karrde caught her staring and asked quietly, "Do you like it?"

"Is this your family's crest?" she asked, wondering about the design.

"No. That wouldn't have been appropriate. It's mine, a vornskr on a field of green."

"Of course." She smiled, remembering the two vornskr's he used to keep as pets from the lush forested world he'd once thought of as home.

"Do you like it?" he asked again, a touch apprehensively. "Would have preferred a diamond or something else?"

"No, of course not. I have enough diamonds." And she did. He greatly enjoyed bestowing her with extravagant jewels. "Besides this is something I can comfortably wear all the time without it getting in the way should I need to fight. You did have it made up rather quickly though."

"I've had it for a while."

"A while?" she asked surprised.

He seemed uncharacteristically embarrassed. "I was waiting for you to decide to bind yourself completely to me."

She looked down at her hands, suddenly self-conscious that it had taken her so long to truly be ready to be married to him. "I'm sorry it took so long," she murmured.

He reached out and gently lifted her chin, forcing her to look at him. "I'm not. I'm a patient man." He leaned over and gave her tender kiss.

* * *

Shada lay in Karrde's arms enjoying the afterglow of their lovemaking, her mind drifting over the events of the day. Their wedding day. She couldn't stop the smile at that thought. Although something now struck her that he'd said at dinner that she hadn't reflected on at the time. "What did you mean when you said it wouldn't be appropriate for you to give me your family crest?" He hadn't said he didn't have one, just that it wouldn't be appropriate.

He cleared his throat, stirring from his doze. "I'm not exactly a legitimate member of the family. Besides I haven't had anything to do with them for almost forty years."

She leaned up on her elbow and looked down at him so she could see his face. "Are you finally going to tell me where you're from?" She hoped he would finally satisfy the curiosity she'd had for years about his origins.

He looked amused as he reached up to stroke her cheek. "You never asked."

"You're always so blasted mysterious," she said a little irritated at both him and herself. He laughed at her annoyance and she gave him a thwack on the chest for laughing at her. "I thought you'd tell me if you wanted me to know. You mentioned a grandmother once."

"Yes, my paternal grandmother raised me," he told her the smile leaving his face. "My family was minor nobility on Condici. My father was a dissolute young man who wasted no time squandering the family fortune. Then he tried to get his hands on more money by seducing an heiress, hoping to get her pregnant so she would have to marry him. Her brothers were understandably upset and killed my father. My mother was so distraught she wanted nothing to do with me. So my grandmother took me in and tried to make me a better man than my father."

"She certainly succeeded." Shada smiled down at him.

"Well, it would have been hard for me to turn out worse than my father," he said with a self-depreciating smile. "When my grandmother died I left university, hopped the first transport offworld, and never looked back. I do sometimes wonder what she'd make of me now. She'd probably be rather amused all told."

"I'm sure she'd be very proud of you. I'm very proud of you." She leaned down and kissed him.

The End


End file.
